That moment when you're so frustrated, sad and hurt, and a song comes on the radio that seems to be written from the very stems of your soul.... that is the moment when I break down and cry.

Music. Music breaks through my barriers, my fortress that I've put up around myself to keep the real me protected and hidden away from the sharp, cutting words of the cruel world. Because when this guard drops, I'm just like everyone else. Because when this guard drops, I've heard too many times from people I love that "I didn't think you would ever think that way!" and "You're the last person who I expected to do/say/think that!"

All my life, I've tried to be everything they want me to be. Not because I'm weak, but because I like to see the people I love happy, and I live my life through their smiles, their laughter, their contented sighs. I'm aware that there are plenty of you out there who are going to read this and think "Oh she justifies her weaknesses by saying that, there's another pansy for you". To each his own dear reader, and this is just me talking about who I really am, and why I am able to live with myself. Most of the time, at least!

I'm well aware of what I'm capable of, and what my weaknesses are. I may not admit it to anyone, but the one person I won't hide the truth from is myself. Because I owe myself the truth, the stark naked bitter truth. Most of the time I feel disappointed with myself, I feel I don't live up to the standards of success I have in my mind. So I smile, laugh my way through life and pretend that everything is okay. I try to be the perfect daughter, helpful friend, understanding lover and basically everyone's go-to person. And so far, my plan has worked out fine. Everyone feels comfortable coming to be with their problems, I always provide a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. So they tell me their woes, cry a little, and when their hearts are a little lighter, they move on. I, as is usual, smile and fade from their memories, until such a need arises again. 

I tried being the reverse player in the above scenario a few times, it didn't turn out so well. My victims didn't know if they should/should not say something to comfort me, if they should agree/disagree with me, and were generally very uncomfortable being in the role of comforter rather than weeper! It was quite comical, actually!

This love; this unbearable love.

Have you ever loved someone so much, that the very thought of that love 

Brings tears to your eyes?

Have you ever loved someone so much that from the way the wind ruffles his hair, 

You know what goes through his mind?

Have you ever loved someone so much that even the slightest break in his voice 

Makes your heart cry a river?

Have you ever loved like that, 

And not been scared?

Scared; because his love is the peak on which the thread of your life balances,

Scared; because you’re known hurt before,

Scared; because you’re a survivor, but surviving this is doubtful...

This love, like a hurricane, which threatens

To drown your soul.

Under your spell

Your touch as you talk to me-

Your eyes dance with every word,

You make the simplest sentences

Sound like the sweetest sound on earth.

Your laugh as you lean against me

Music dancing in every note

You make the smallest moment with you

Feel like heaven come to earth. 

Stay with me for all eternity

Share with me all your hopes and dreams

I'm ready to give you my forever and always

Just hold my hand for all of our days.

This is the end, my love

Tell me how I wronged you,

I did everything you asked.

I changed myself, I changed my style,

I changed the sparkle in my eyes.

I let my dreams just pass me by,

My friends moved on and left me dry,

I was so blind I didn’t mind

I was addicted to you.

You stole my soul, you broke my spirit,

I became a different being.

You thrilled me with your magic smiles

Your sweet nothings screwed up my mind.

I loved you close

I love you still

What we had was beautiful,

But it was all about you.

I was always there for you,

You think you were there for me too.

I’ve seen you through your smiles n tears,

I’ve shared your dreams n lived your fears.

I told you all about my life

You cried with me when daddy died.

We’ve had our share of fun and laughs

But that’s all faded into you.

I liked being me but now I’m not sure,

I’ve lost track of who I am.

I drowned in you- I lost my way,

Now it’s hard to make it through the day.

Somewhere in our love affair

We lost track of who we are.

You got your way- you always do

You’ve crushed my dreams under your shoes.

You’re not a perfect person

I know I’m not one.

But I’m done saying sorry

For the things that you’ve done.

I hope one day you wake up;

Realize I had dreams too,

That day you’ll forgive me

Till then, know that I loved you.

You found me

I wandered along on a lonely road

No aim, no goal, just washed along

Flowing with the current,

Washed by the tide

Light as a feather

Dropped from the sky.

You found me on those lonely shores

Lost and confused, all alone

I almost didn’t heed your call

But somehow fate entwined our paths.

And surely as the sky is blue

I became entranced by you.

From hello on you wove your spell

You slowly drew me from my hell,

We clicked in place right from the start

Now we’re like; till death do us part!

You make me love the girl I am

I’m proud to say that you’re my man.

The first time I looked in your eyes

They told me of tales infinite;

Of sleepless nights and age old scars

Of understanding of my wars

I drowned in them and found myself,

I’m captured now within your spell.

I lie awake at night sometimes,

Trying to work out in my mind;

The gravity of the bond we share,

It’s like trying to count the stars.

I pray for just one thing sweetheart,

May no earthly thing tear us apart.